Those who know me and have been following me for at least the past 6 months know of my condition. Those who haven’t probably don’t.
I have been suffering and fighting against CFS[Chronic Fatigue Syndrome]/ME[Myalgic Encephalomyelitis] for over two years now. This tends to mean I need more sleep than the average person and am almost permanantly fatigued. Amongst many, many, other things. Please read this. I’d be here forever if I explained it. I suffer from all of those symptoms listed. Except maybe alcohol intolerance. I wouldn’t know. I don’t drink. I stopped drinking [and even then, I only had an odd drink now and then, very rarely, on holiday, new year, xmas and the like] when I was put on all those antibiotics. I also suffer memory loss at times. Which really annoys people. It can be anything from who phoned 30 seconds ago, to fold the laundry, to something really important. It scares me at times.

Thanks to that, I was unable to finish school. In year 10 [the year before compulsary education ends, if you're American/Don't understand our schooling system] my attendance started dwindeling from school, but I was going to be in a musical so I was already missing things so I had to try. Even with rehursals for Back to the 80’s, I still had a lot of time off. They didn’t give me an understudy, and they didn’t kick me off because they said I worked hard. Despite it, I still learnt my lines and learnt/picked up on the dances quickly and was generally enthusiastic, despite it pushing me. One time, I couldn’t sing properly. My glands had swollen up and since then, I’ve never been able to sing the same, still, I persevered with the musical and told myself that I was weak because I was tired from the musical, aenemic[sp?], and not getting enough nutrition. But in November, the musical ended, but I was still just as tired as ever.

The doctor had been diagnosing me with many different things and I must have been on at least 6 antibiotics. Yum. Good idea for someone who easily builds up a tolerance to medication. ¬_¬ Eventually, I was reffered to the hospital as it had been more than 6 months and I was getting worse, then near the end of January 2007, I was officially diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

After that, I end up bed bound for five months and became excluded from society. At the time, I didn’t really care much. Even my “best friend” who lives over the road from me never came to visit. In fact, I haven’t seen her in ages. My other “best friend” visited me once, not long before year 11 was going to start. Other than her, the only people I’d seen other than my immediate family were my grandparents and the doctors. Oh, some teachers at school, too. We put in a reduced time table, at the start of year 11 [Final year of compulsary education] I did my best to abide by it. I didn’t miss any lessons for the entire first two weeks, but it caught right up with me, and I was bed bound for another two weeks, then I did the same thing again. Two weeks at school, two weeks bed bound. After that, I went in a few lessons and realized I couldn’t do it anymore. Discussions were had, but the school were already starting to dismiss me off as a problem. Joy.

I went in a couple of odd times to art lessons, mainly just to pick up work and I passed NVQ English wish flying colours. Highest score, actually. *Gloat* When I went in to do my Maths, I ended up having a panic attack. I worked my ass of doing maths coursework which set me back weeks, for them to tell me that the board said I couldn’t get a result. Yet the school had told me they had ALREADY appealed and the board said if I did that coursework, it’d be okay. Heh. Lies. School ended, I wasn’t even told about prom, so I’ll never see that in my life, when I really, really wanted to. Just to dress up, feel pretty, see everyone again and say proper good byes to them all as I wasn’t there for the last day of school. But no. I wasn’t even called to get my ROA. [Record of Achievement] So I’m furious at them.

The six weeks holidays came and here I am. I can’t do anything. Now thanks to my deprivation from socialisation, I have panic attacks if I go out. Or I freak out a lot. I take meds to calm myself down sometimes, but I’m still fidgety and you can tell by my bladder that I’m still nervous deep down. But its the only way I can get by. I can’t do anything, I can’t even go to a friends house. Its such a drastic change because I used to be such an active person. I’d be early to school and leave late with sports, band, and whatever else I had on board. Did Karate in the evening one night, and I’d be permanantly outside. So to go from that to being permanantly inside…its a shocker and its really hard for me.

Kinda out of date now… [Jan 2010 now, was posted Sept 2008] I’m getting over my fear of outdoors and people, its been four years now, well, three and a half. I’m a lot better than I was, but I am still suffering from my condition. I am still bound to my bed sometimes. I still collapse and have iffy spells, but nowhere near like I used to. The doctors think I will never 100% recover. They say younger sufferers recover almost, if not completley, within 1-2 years, because I passed those year milestones a while back, they don’t think I will recover that much. But they think I’ll recover enough to at least start living a normal life, but I must be careful and mindful of relapses, and to not give up hope. So I carry on forward with the hopes of living like everybody else. Relapse or no. I’m determined.