Hormones…
…suck
And also are awesome at the same time.
I feel needy and clingy. This usually only happens just before and for the first day of my “monthlies” but its lasting longer. This time… its incredibly intense. Its taken me back a bit. Thankfully, Adam doesn’t seem to mind it. Thank GOODNESS. I’m always concerned that my horribly intense moodswings might scare him off. But quite the contrary. Today… well, yesterday now as its 4:10am. [Why I'm up so early, I'll explain shortly.] Adam was amazing. I was a little demanding and rather needy but I couldn’t have asked for any more than he did. He gave me his full, undivided attention, didn’t play his DS, he went to as I left the room to go pee, but I asked him not to and so he didn’t. Which made me really happy, then lots of cuddles and snuggles and kisses ensued and I felt a little like we were the only people in the world. Insert lots of cheesy love stuff here.
I felt so warm and safe lying on his chest wrapped up in his arms. And it was lovely him rubbing my skin and he gave me a back rub and touching me without the intentions of getting in my knickers… for a change. :p Nothing sexual which was truly amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever really felt this loved in my entire life and through our entire relationship, though also the hormones don’t help the big cheesy, loved up puppyness. Haha, I’m such a sap. He has work 2-6pm tomorrow… sorry done it again. Later. Will get to see him about 6:30… hopefully. Really hopefully. Its driving me mad though. I want to see him so badly. And this sensation is driving me up the wall because I see him every day! So some hours aren’t going to hurt. However it makes it really nice when I eventually DO get to see him.
Yeah, this is going to be an Adam post. Haha. I love his big brown eyes, his lovely arms [which, are totally gorgeous, especially when he flexes, omg yum!] which wrap me up and hug me, his lips that cover me in kisses, his chest that I can bury my head in. <3 He is such an amazing, special guy. Sometimes he beats down on himself and it used to annoy me a little at first, but now, it just makes me sad, because some things are true, but the main reason for it is because he doesn’t have enough confidence in himself to change it and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to help that, but that is down to him, I fell in love with him for who he is, he doesn’t have to change, especially for my sake. I really couldn’t ask for anything more, I really couldn’t. I’m so lucky. I really am.
So why am I up at 20 past 4 in the morning? Well, I’ve been up since about 10 past 3 actually. I woke up in cold sweats, tummy pain both cramps and weirdly… hunger pains. These Zydol… I’m unsure if they’re doing me good or bad. They’re getting rid of most of my tummy pain, but driving my head barmy. Like dizzy, out of it kinda loopy woo. I can’t really explain but its probably kinda like being high or something. >.> I’m worried I might end up getting dependant. That is if, I’m not already, because I’m sitting here and I really want to take more even though I’m not really in pain, because while I hate the dizziness and such, I quite like the feeling they give my head. On top of that, its been 4 years since I’ve been to sleep and really felt like sleep, and while atm I’m only sleeping for a few hrs at a time, the sleep I’m getting feels really damn good, like proper sleep.
After this entry, I’m going back to bed, and I’m going to refrain from taking any more of those pain killers unless I’m in agony again. I mean later on after I wake up. I am NOT going to take any before I go to bed. No sirey. I think I need to make an appointment with the doctor regarding me suffering side effects though and re: the concerns I might be getting dependant. But really, I’ve only been taking them 2 days and not even constantly! I think when I get over this sensation though, I might be fine… but still worth talking to the doctor. *Nods*
Now, I’m going to try get back to sleep and then tomorrow, I will see what I can do as to arrange or tidy up my room. Well I say I’m going to, but knowing me, my mood will change in the morning and I probably won’t be arsed, or I might sort out my shelves and think heyy, screw the rest. Meh.
Night world!
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