Or pour it out, either works.
Had a long discussion…and I feel a lot better. Still kinda sad and stuff, but feeling loads better than I did and I’m not so worried anymore about everything. Me and Hay blubbled like a couple of geeks. I’m so lucky to have a friend like her. She means the world to me <3 I never used to talk to anyone, about anything. I kept it all cooped up because the people I did talk to where on forums, and they were…hardly the nicest people, and I was naieve back then. It was like, suck it up, put your big girl panties on and deal with it, and back then, the stress wasn’t something I could deal with, and it wasn’t worth talking about when the assholes would make me worse, but if I learned anything, its that when you have a geniune friend who’ll listen and be there for you, knowing what to say or not, with a solution or not, the world seems a better place.

I’ve actually surprised myself a little, because I used to be this horribly negative person, I couldn’t think about anything but the downside to anything and everything, I’d evaluate stuff for cons and now the opposite is true. But I guess I need to be that way to make any progress. Haha. If I think about the negatives, I wouldn’t have progressed as much these past few months, I wouldn’t be going out, albeit I only go up/down the road and really don’t stray far from home, but its out none the less which I couldn’t 6 months ago. I wake up some days, well I wake up all days but shut up, am not finished. :p I wake up some days, have a shower in the morning and stuff, put my eyeliner on [the only make up I usually wear] and think…wow, I actually look pretty today, and I compliment myself, and it helps my confidence too. Because I’ve pretty much had it drummed in to me that I’m an ugly, fat, stupid pig, thats good for me. And before I was “fat” I was “anorexic” I say these in quote marks because compared to, idk say my old cooking teacher, I’m fucking skinny. XD I don’t think I’m skinny, I’ve just got more to love ;D And I wasn’t anorexic, I was just really slim, lol yeah back in the day, and to be honest, I think I look better with a little, okay, a lot more on me compared to how I looked when I had not enough. For sure, larger people are more cuddly! Cuddles ftw.

So yeah. I’ve changed, and I can aknowledge that. And…I’m one of those people who finds change tough, but it seems I changed before I even realize it. I care about myself, I enjoy treating myself, I’ll push myself if the benefits are worth the negative, thanks to that, its why I can now leave the house, I can be around my friends, yeah, its still tough, sometimes I still get panic attacks, but the more I face my fears, I think the better I’ll get, and I’ve tried to stop thinking about my health componant, yeah, sometimes it is a vicious cycle because I wanna go and do stuff, but my health won’t let me, I worry about collapsing with my friends, or trying to do something and my body not quite being able to cope with it, but if I don’t try, I wont know, however, that only applies to some degree, obviously, I can’t see myself running a marathon or anything like that because I know it’d be impossible for me. You get the idea, I’m sure. I have to say, I’m proud of myself. I’ve come a long way, and I wouldn’t have done it without my best friends. I love you guys and I know you’re proud of me too, its like we’re in this together now, and I can’t give up for me, and I can’t give up for you, and yeah, at times it’ll be tough but I trust you to help me climb back up when things dip like you always have done and I’ll keep making you proud. And not only am I proud of myself, but I’m proud to call you guys my friends and I love you all so very much <3

Well shucks, wasn’t that a little bit cheesy. XD